Oh, hello there! How are you? It’s just me, Bipolaronfire, back from the looney bin!! Damn my damn honesty with Dr. Drugs!!! A week and a half ago I walked into his office and admitted to some serious suicidal ideation, and doncha know he cut the appointment short and said I had to report to the nearest Emergency Room for a 72-hour hold.
I know I’m a dumbass but fuck it! I told the truth. I was feeling pretty damn low. Yes I had a plan. Yes I had written a suicide note. Yes I thought I was going to go through with it. Once they committed me, it got worse. WORSE!! Off to the psychiatric hospital for me, and in comes Dr. BigHeart. At first he wanted to send me back to Dr. Sweetie’s hospital (I believe Dr. Sweetie has washed his hands of me, damn it all). Once it became clear that he couldn’t send me back to the original hospital, Dr. BigHeart got serious and recommended his biggest gun for treatment, Clozaril and ECT.
Dr. BigHeart says my initial sixteeen (Yes, sixteen) treatments didn’t help because I was still on Trileptal and Topamax, which he promptly discontinued. Dr. BigHeart (this is where he gets his name) gave out his cell phone number to my family and actually spent 45 minutes on the phone with my sister, discussing the recommended treatment. Ultimately I said “what the fuck” and accepted his recommended treatment. I’ve had three unilateral ECT treatments and together with the Clozaril I am a new person! For reals!!
I will be getting weekly ECT for at least the next four weeks, then hopefully we’ll go to monthly treatments. I am so troubled by the knowledge that I had sixteen wasted ECT treatments, I’m tempted to publish Dr. Sweetie’s name! But ultimately I am a wuss and fear the consequences. Dr. Sweetie is a young hunk of doctor-man, very qualified ultimately. He just should have discontinued the Trileptal and Topamax, and I also think he should have stuck to unilateral treatments, since I was SO! DAMN!! MUDDLED!!! by the bilateral treatments, it was almost like I’d had a stroke!! I was dumber than dumb, that’s for sure. Maybe I could email Dr. Sweetie a link to this post, what do you think?
I am SO looking forward to sleeping in and not being woken up by some turd mental health worker, demanding a blood sample (at 6 am) or my vital signs at 7 am. The Clozaril makes me groggy and I am going to sleep in tomorrow, HELL YES!! So….how are you? How’ve you been? Sorry I was gone so long, they actually committed me to that damn hospital because I wouldn’t sign in voluntarily. More of my awesome decision-making. I believe….for the moment….it’s bpof over and out! Peaches!!